Blessings...

     Wow! So my life has been pretty quiet the last few days after moving. I have actually had a little time to sit down and ponder what has happened the last few months. I am so blessed, happy, emotional and exhausted. It's the small things in life that make you think (well some big ones too). Since finding out about our house being put up on auction, stressing out about what we're going to do, I never really sat down to think how this might just be a blessing in disguise. Tonight as I write this, I'm thinking just that. After being settled in, and spending the night here for the last three nights, I'm beginning to realize what a blessing this has been. Even through all the worry and stress, I never took my eyes off God. I have begun to thank Him more regularly for this small crisis that has happened. I don't think He would call it a crisis, but a time of growing. Everything that happened in our lives are growing moments, or pains, you could say. God is preparing us each day to learn how to trust in Him for everything we do. I might add that, trusting Him, especially in the hardest times, is VERY hard to do. I think I handled this experience a lot better because of the trials I have been through previously. Here's a little background:

     Derrick and I have been married for 7 years. We've had our tough times and we've had our good times. Sometimes, I still wonder why I married him or why God allowed us to meet and brought us to marriage. Derrick and I had been married about 2 years when we started hating each other. I was just about to have our first son, Jorden, when Derrick and I tried marriage counseling. There was an exercise we had to do about telling each other if there were any secrets that we needed to share than to do so. So we did. I had been completely faithful up to that point in our marriage, but he hadn't. I remember my heart shattering as he told me he had cheated on me the night before our wedding. Now what you should know, is that him and I were already married at the time of our wedding. We got married one Wednesday night at church with the preacher and two witnesses, then decided that we would have a big wedding for our family. So, I sat there in disbelief. I am a very forgiving person, and sometimes I get taken advantage of because of it. So I forgave him. Life went on. A couple years later, I was pregnant again with our second child Leah. During that pregnancy he cheated again, so I left. Of course, he promised and begged and promised some more that it would never happen again, so crazy me went back. Third child, Matthew, guess what happened? Yes. Once again he was unfaithful. You would think I would've learned by then, and I thought I did. I left again. I loaded up the car with Jorden and left. Drove to my mom's in Georgia. Now, I'm not perfect either. While I was in Georgia, I met a great guy. He treated me the way I wanted to be treated, and of course, told me things I wanted to hear. So we slept together. Now, I had cheated too. Two weeks went by, but all I could think about was Derrick. I don't know what it is about him that makes me need him. So I came back. Things were good for awhile, until he decided to turn to alcohol to make him happy. In April of 2009 I had had enough. We were getting a divorce, I moved out, got a job, and the boys and I were gone. Until, I found out I was pregnant, yet again, with Elizabeth. I found out in May '09 that I was having another baby. She wasn't supposed to happen. I hated Derrick and I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. We were separated about 7 months when we both decided that our children needed the both of us, together. We were going to try it again. If not for us, for our kids. He moved into my little two-bedroom apartment, and we worked on things.
     Now I don't have any rhyme or reason for why things have gotten so screwed up in our relationship. I just know that it has to be some sort of blessing in disguise. I can't answer the questions on how we're even still together, I just know that we are. I love Derrick with all my heart, even after all the crap we have been through. I don't know why. I know that God can give you the power to forgive anything that anyone has ever done to you. He forgives us, why shouldn't we be able to forgive? God says that He forgives and tosses it as far as the east is from the west. He forgets about it. Now, as humans we don't forget, but we can let go. I don't really know why I decided to write this post tonight, but I know that it's for someone to read. I want to help others with their experiences and to learn from my mistakes and successes. Only God can give that healing power, that can overcome anything. Just trust in Him, spend time with Him, and He, Only He, can make things new. He will Bless your socks off if you let Him. Will you let Him?
       
             Revelation 21:5
And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.