Little Blessings... Part 2

    Today, I am sharing my story with you about the hardest time in my life. Life is not easy to begin with, no one said it ever was, but losing a child is the hardest thing anyone could go through, and I would never wish it on anyone, even my worst enemy. This is a big part of the reason my blog is named "Grow From the Inside-Out". All the trials and tribulations that we go through in life is part of a growing process. Now, whether you choose to take this process positive or negative, will affect the end result of the situation. I choose to look at things as positively as possible, even when I don't feel like it.

   Four years ago today, I was at Mercy Hospital delivering a beautiful baby girl, Leah Katrine. She was born at 9:15 am and weighted 6lbs. 6oz. She was everything I had imagined, being that I already had a boy, and wanted a little girl so bad. There was one problem... I knew something was wrong.
  
     During my first ultrasound, they found something wrong. Her spine was not fused together like it should have been. She had what they called a hemi-vertebrae. The doctor wasn't sure how it would affect her after birth, but while I was pregnant, things seemed to be going ok. He did, however, give me the option to abort. Of course, I said No I don't care if she had eyeballs on her feet, God had given her to me for a reason. So pregnancy went on, and things were ok. I had ultrasound after ultrasound just to make sure she was growing like she should, and she was.
     Fast forward to today, four years ago. Leah was born. From first glance she looked ok, but they wanted to take her back to the NICU to check her out make sure things were ok.  I get to my room and my hubby comes tells me what's going on.
     Here's the rough part...
     She was born without an anus, the problem she had with her spine had pushed her heart over to her right side, which collapsed her right lung, and she wasn't breathing ok. They had to intubate her, to help her breathe. They told me that later that day she would be medi-flighted to OU Children's Hospital, so they could take better care of her. That was fine with me, it's the best Children's hospital in the state, but I was stuck in my bed for at least another day. That broke my heart. I didn't sleep well and you can bet that early the next morning I had my doctor in there, with me telling him that I'm leaving. I had been through a c-section before with my first, I knew how to take care of myself. So, he let me go...
    

     From that day, for the next 30 days my husband and I were at that hospital everyday. There were a lot more bad days then good. It put a very big strain on mine and Derrick's relationship. We both tried to stay strong for each other, but he couldn't handle it. He started drinking and drinking a lot. Especially after she died, he fell into a deep depression.
    

     Leah ultimately died from a respiratory problem called PPHN or Persistant Pulmonary Hypertension of Newborns. You may go look it up if you want more information on it.
     To tell you the truth, I was ok when she died. As a mother, I knew that God was going to take her. It was very hard for me to let her go and give her to Him. But, when I did, it made losing her easier to handle.

      In my third post tonight, I will talk about the lesson(s) I learned from the experience, and how anything that we go through in life, are learning tools. Learning to lean on Him for everything..... Stay tuned...