God never, ever, ever gives us more than we can handle.. I am proof of this. I do understand that everyone has rough times and sometimes we even consider, or do, give up. We need to stop and think about the consequences of giving up, or stop trying. God never, nor will He ever give up on us, and we need to be aware of this fact.
I learned a few very valuable lessons from losing a child. I wouldn't consider learning the "hard way" or even that I had done something wrong, and God was punishing me for it. Things just happen. There is no rhyme or reason for the way things happen in our lives, they just do. I do know that this happened in my life for a reason. I'm not really sure why, but it did. Maybe to be a witness to someone who I know, or even a perfect stranger that will lose a child. That's just something I will have to figure out as I go on in my life.
The night before Leah died, I prayed. I prayed hard. I asked God to fix Leah so that she wouldn't have to go through all the pain that she had experienced so far in her 31 days on the earth. As I laid there in my bed, God revealed something to me. He told me she was going to die, and that He was taking her to Heaven with Him. Of course, my heart broke. I cried myself to sleep that night knowing that Leah wouldn't be on this earth much longer. I told God that His Will be done and I couldn't handle the heartache of seeing her suffer anymore and that I was giving her life to Him. After I did that, instantly there was a peace in my heart and I knew that God would answer my prayer. No, I wasn't mad at God or blame Him for any of the things that had happened. I sat down and realized that God DID fix Leah. She's not suffering anymore. She didn't have to go another day in this world with tubes, tests, or needle sticks. He saved her from the pain, teasing, having to live in a bubble, or for my sake having to deal with the stress of having a high maintainance child. I truely believe that if Leah would have lived then I would not have the younger two of the four children, I have today. There would be no way I could handle a two and a half year old boy, Leah, and then if I did have the other two children. Leah would not have been easy to raise. Doctor's visits, surgeries, and having to keep her "in a bubble", for the first 4-5 years of her life. Besides, what kind of life would that have been for a child?
So I learned to give my problems to God. No matter what problem you have, NOTHING is too big or too small for Him to handle.
Leah died on St. Patrick's Day 2007. She lived 31 days. She was a beautiful angel God sent our family and this world for only a short time. I thank God everyday for the opprutunity of knowing her. And somehow, she changed the lives of so many people. I know she changed my life, for the better. Yes, I do miss her, all the time. Four years have gone by so fast, and today on her birthday, I don't even know where the day went. I miss her just as much now as I did then, but it's a little easier to handle now. I know that one day I will see her again and I can't wait to meet her, and for her to meet her two brothers and sister. And I hope that God is pleased with me in the way that I have and am handling things now.
I have learned so much from my experiences in life that it would take weeks, or even months, to explain them all. I just wanted to share a bit so that others will not be discouraged, but have faith and trust ONLY in Him. No one ever said life was easy, but a life with Jesus makes it a whole lot easier....
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